


How To Deal With Uninvited Redheads

by Moonlitdark



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, I don't know how to tag this, M/M, Snark, Voyeurism - but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:16:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28479054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlitdark/pseuds/Moonlitdark
Summary: Although Draco had repeatedly explained to Harry the benefits of some kind of alarm system to alert them to impending visitations of the various and many members of the Weasley clan, for some reason this suggestion was never gratefully received.  This was the result.  A perfectly good afternoon ruined by yet another redhead descending on their doorstep.  It had to stop.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Kudos: 45





	How To Deal With Uninvited Redheads

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted a long time ago on Livejournal. So if it seems familiar, you've probably read it before.

Draco sniffed impatiently in an attempt to divert Harry from the inconvenient person currently monopolising his time.

No response. Harry laughed heartily at a comment, despite the fact that it wasn’t remotely funny. A small part of Draco acknowledged that he could attempt to interject into the discussion to offer badly needed witty and wise banter, but neither the subject nor the other party involved interested him in the slightest. Much as he enjoyed the sport, spending a valuable afternoon discussing the fortunes of lesser known Quidditch teams was not amongst Draco’s ideal pastimes, so instead he’d thus far been utilising his preference to sit quietly and sulk. Having quickly become bored with that occupation, and since trying to create a plausibly urgent reason for Weasley’s immediate departure had proven to be more difficult than it had originally seemed, Draco felt that it was time to change tactics.

Although he had repeatedly explained to Harry the benefits of some kind of alarm system to alert them to impending visitations of the various and many members of the Weasley clan, for some reason this suggestion was never gratefully received. This was the result. A perfectly good afternoon ruined by yet another redhead descending on their doorstep. It had to stop.

Draco sniffed more insistently. This time at least he had succeeded in turning Harry’s head. But the glare didn’t bode as well as he’d hoped. 

“Draco? Do you need a tissue?”

“You're ignoring me,” Draco pouted. Draco was very proud of his pout. Teamed with lidded, sultry eyelids, it usually succeeded in reaping remarkable rewards.

“Yes. If you want to ask me something or heaven forbid, _talk_ to our guest, go ahead. But the constant sniffing is beginning to piss me off.”

Adding a little more weight to his lids, Draco purred, “but you're not talking to me.”

“You made it fairly clear ages ago that you're not interested in the conversation. Why don’t you go off and amuse yourself with something else for an hour or two?”

The magic of Draco’s seductiveness was oddly not having the usual effect. How strange. Moving swiftly onto plan B, he shifted a tiny bit closer, letting his thigh barely touch Harry’s. That should do it.

“If you don’t have enough room, I can shift along a bit. But it’d be less crowded if you sat on the chair over there.”

Draco grumbled an unintelligible complaint, certain that it would benefit him better if Harry didn’t actually hear it. Okay, so plan C - whining.

“I just thought… we had special things to do today, remember?” Things which included the extensive utilisation of a mattress, mused Draco wistfully.

“Yes, but we’ll get to them later.”

The paltry promise of later didn’t seem good enough for Draco’s impatient libido. 

“But don't you want to try what we talked about?”

“Not especially,” Harry declared, turning his attention back to Ron.

Deciding that he was obviously being too subtle, Draco abruptly stood, grasped Harry’s upper arm and yanked him upwards, out of his seat and away from the redheaded interloper.

“Weasley, go home,” he growled.

Ron looked both aghast and vastly amused at the unexpected interruption of his blabbering, but Harry looked more like he wanted to hit him. Very worrying. Perhaps he should’ve utilised a few more plans before he'd manhandled his lover. 

“ _Draco_!” Harry definitely didn’t look happy. No matter, Draco would change that soon. “Get your bloody hand off me!”

Ignoring Harry’s protests (because one had to at least attempt to keep up appearances of being in control), Draco kept his hold and growled again. “Weasley, you can either stay and watch, or leave. I really don’t care.”

To his horror, Ron didn’t relinquish his seat. In fact, he appeared to be considering his options.

“If you really don’t mind, I’ll stay.”

Draco hadn’t been prepared for that. Neither had Harry if the look of utter shock was anything to gauge by. “What?”

There was an unmistakable glint of wicked challenge in Weasley’s eyes, unfamiliar on that freckled face. “I’ll stay. I’ve been curious about what would possibly make Harry want to live with you, so I’d like to see you in action. Maybe I’ll learn something.”

“Ron!” Harry squeaked, obviously too distracted to continue his efforts to free his upper arm. “You _can’t_ stay!”

The challenge morphed into affront. “You're throwing me out?”

“No, I just meant that if we're going to – what am I saying? Draco, let me go.”

“I think I’ll hang onto you for a while. Show Weasley a thing or two. He looks pretty keen.” 

“We’re _not_ going to do _anything_.”

“And why not?” Draco innocently enquired. 

Judging by the scowl, Harry deemed that an obvious point. “Because we have company?”

“He doesn’t seem to mind,” Draco assured. If Weasley wasn’t backing down, he sure as hell wasn’t about to either. “We could give him a show.”

“A show?”

“Yes. Show him how a man should be shagged. Weasley probably needs all the help he can get.”

“That man being me?”

“Well, it’s not going to be Weasley.”

That brought a spluttered objection from the nearby seat. “And what’s wrong with _me_?”

If the idiot was actually going to ask. “So many things, it’d be hard to list them all.”

“At least something would be hard,” smirked Ron.

Since when did Weasley learn to smirk like that?

“We’ll soon see what’s hard and what’s not.” Draco skimmed a palm down Harry’s chest and over the waistband of Harry’s jeans, determined to see just how far he could take this.

Before Draco made contact with his goal, Harry swatted the hand away with a stinging slap. “We’ll not be seeing _anything_ , thank you very much.” Draco noted that Harry didn’t appear to be taking this conversation very well, but wasn’t about to let that hinder such a great opportunity.

“But I think that Weasley would _like_ to see.”

“Bring it on.”

“I will.” Draco’s hand found a new resting place on Harry’s arse. Firm mounds predictably pushed back into Draco’s grip for a brief moment before Harry finally succeeded in removing himself to safety a few feet away.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! You're both as bad as each other! Draco – _sit_ , don’t touch me.”

Draco flopped onto the couch with an indignant sigh. “What’s wrong? I’m only offering to entertain your guest.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Then what would you say if I was?”

“If you were what?”

“Up for it? Ready for a rampant threesome? Dying to compare length and girth. I think you’d make a fetching bottom for Ron.”

“ _Bottom_? For _him_??” From his peripheral vision, Draco saw Ron sit up and shift forward on the cushion, dangerously alert.

“Yes.” Harry moved seductively forward to straddle Draco’s thighs. Draco had allowed Harry to settle down comfortably before he realised that had likely been an error. “Wouldn’t you like that?” Harry nuzzled in to lick a trail up Draco's neck. “I’d like that. To see you take Ron’s cock. He could hold you down while I watch and… wait a minute, I have a better idea. We have _handcuffs_. Ron, you’ll find them in the -”

“Get the fuck _off_ me!” Draco screeched, pushing at Harry’s hips and almost toppling him off his lap.

When Draco managed to focus through the hideous visualization, Harry was standing over him, wearing a far too smug expression. “Ron? Are you ready? We could take turns. I’ll take pictures of this monumental occasion.”

Weasley swiftly removed himself from his perch. “Oh, fine. I’m going.”

“We'll send you diagrams, if you need them,” Draco announced helpfully to the retreating form, intending to quickly discover whether any advantage could be taken from the delectable reddening of Harry's face.

Or if Draco would have to wait long enough to require the diagrams himself.


End file.
